Goin' On a Turd Hunt!

This is a graphic post. Consider yourself warned.

So what do you do when your oldest child comes in the back door with his pants around his ankles, and looks up at you and says, "I accidentally pooped my pants,"?

You laugh. Because what are the other options, really?

So, with pants around ankles, he hobbled into the bathroom and, knowing that I would be the sole member of the disaster clean-up team, I followed him. I told him to carefully remove his pants and underwear. So, of course, he pulled one foot out of his pants and then flipped and shook his other leg out while I ducked for cover. Much to my relief, nothing flew out, but then I began to wonder where the smoking gun was? My olfactories were telling me that there ought to be a pretty hefty "chunk" sitting there in my son's drawers, but there was only "trace evidence", shall we say?

Well, crap. ('Scuse the pun.) We had a missing turd.

I went outside, where Andrew was firing up the grill, and told him that there had definitely been an accident, but that I couldn't find the remains. I asked Cameron where he was when he had done the deed, and he indicated that he had been over by the fence looking for grasshoppers. I asked him if that was where he pulled his pants down. "Yes", was the reply. Then I asked him why he had pulled his pants down. "Because I didn't want to feel the poo," he said. Well, we had to find the thing because there are a toddler and two babies that play out there. We walked over to the fence and I told Cameron to show me which way he had gone back to the house. My dear, precious son then pantomimed pulling his pants down and hopped like a rabbit back to the house. I just stood there and laughed until tears rolled down my cheeks. No wonder the thing was missing - it had flopped out somewhere on the bunny trail.

Andrew recruited Ethan to help in the search, and being the fun dad that he is, he offered a prize to the finder of the poo and began to sing, "Goin' on a turd hunt, gonna have a good time!"

We laughed ourselves silly while carefully picking through the grass. We never did find anything, which is highly disturbing. We'll just have to check our shoes whenever we come inside for a while.