I thought about how I treat and talk to my kids and what motivates me - how I get things done. But especially Briana's comment reminded me that I really need to work on my listening skills. I do love to talk, but I need to turn my brain in the direction of other people more often. So thanks! Good comments, guys!
OK, so here's the question for this week.
What scares you?
Again, I'll get things going, even though I'm trying to be less self-centered.
Several years ago I saw an episode of Maury Povich, (which is a rare thing as I am not a fan of daytime TV), in which a man was sharing the story of how he lost his face because of a fungal infection. The same kind of fungus you might find growing on the bread in your kitchen. He lost both his eyes and his nose, and was left with a gaping hole where his face ought to have been.
That show gave me nightmares for at least a month, and ever since then I've been plagued by a fear of moldy bread. I would tell you the man's name, but then you might do something stupid, like google it, and then you'd be disturbed forever, too.
In all seriousness though, I have two fears that aren't exactly crazy.
First, I'm afraid of death. I don't like the idea of dying simply because I don't like to do things by myself. I even bribe my kids to go to the grocery store with me, so I'm wondering what it would take to get someone to accompany me to "the other side"? I just would prefer a little company. And since I'm not certain as to exactly how the process goes, I'm just not to keen to do it.
Secondly, I'm a little afraid of living paycheck to paycheck for the rest of our lives. (I tremble at the thought of having to feed four teenage boys.) It's not a ton of fun to have to budget things like haircuts instead of just going to do it, and it is lots and lots of fun to take the boys to the mall and let them pick out the first pair of shoes they've gotten in years that didn't come from a second-hand store. (Drew's light up, and he's not impressed at all. And Cameron had no idea what Nike was.) The fun stuff is, obviously, more desirable.
On the other hand, though, we have a good life. We have a good family and a good marriage, and given the chance, I would not take a million dollars and risk losing the sense of teamwork and gratitude that we have right now. We want for nothing, really, so while it's not all that scary a thought to live life always having "just enough", it's exhausting to think of working 'til the day we die.
And now we've come full circle. Maybe when I'm sixty, death will be a welcome thing!
I'm surprised at what you said about going death alone. Many people, including LDS people, have had near death experiences, and many have written them down, including in book form. Ditto people who have been with someone as they passed. Everything I've ever heard is that you are not in the least alone. Spirits who love you come and join you. And I've actually heard a couple things about being able to feel the great love God and his Son have for you as the veil thins. So anyway, I think it's often a rad social experience, you should look into that? Also, I am afraid of everything. Fear is a primitive and reactive and necessary emotion. Anxiety is not. Anxiety is not productive, or truly rational, not to mention upsetting and exhausting. But I'm afraid. Pain. Being hurt. Ouch. Failure. Loss. Lakes. Myself, others, the universe, eternity, it's a very cosmic fear. So, I'm learning now to trust that I am safe. We live in a world, where anything can happen at anytime, but we are always safe, in our eternal perspective. We are perfect as God created us despite our current imperfect experiences.
ReplyDeleteWe are loved perfectly by our Heavenly parents. We hopefully know where we came from and where we are going, that they have a plan for us, and that we are loved. We are safe, despite this Telestial trial. Wow! I got that from a rapid eye/ energy therapist, she's great. With my own spin of course.
Cheers!
Laura
I just knew I would get that response about death. :)
ReplyDeleteHere's why I still have an issue with it:
I've read several accounts of near death experiences, and as far as I can tell, the details vary greatly. So one person's experience will likely be different than another's.
Also, maybe those people who have had near death experiences are excellent people who have not the sins and issues that I have, and will therefore have a much more pleasant reception. Maybe?
And, finally, though a small amount of comfort comes from hearing those stories, death is still something that I have to plunge into without any idea of what to expect, and so it remains something that I do not look forward to. Fear of the unknown I guess.
But you're right, Laura, I can definitely take strength and hope from the knowledge and preparation that I have. Still not 100% un-scary though.
Hmmm... I also have a lot of fears. The most worldly being small, confined spaces. They completely freak me out. I think it has something to do with a childhood prank my Dad pulled on us - I won't go into the details, but it still makes me shudder!
ReplyDeleteThe biggest one I have though, is not having control. Yes, I feat that. I'm a control freak. It really bothers me when I am not 100% in control of things and the thought of something being completely unknown is terrifying to me.
Yes, I realize that is a really broad, all encompassing fear, but it's not like I walk around paralyzed by fear every day. I guess I would say that not having control over things that are really important to me, like my family or home is what gets to me the most.
And that, is a totally random, sprawling mess of thoughts - sorry!
I guess I have two major fears in this world. Now, keep in mind that I am the type of person who lays in bed thinking, "Okay, if there was a fire right now, what steps would I take to get my kids out?" or, when Eric is gone at night, "If someone broke into the house, I would do this, this, and this..." I'm not laying there terrified of these things, I am just of the nature that I think of all these random possibilities and try to be prepared.
ReplyDeleteHowever, there are these two things - first, I have a terrible fear of someone molesting my children. I know it is very morbid to say, sorry. But I have seen many times firsthand the ways it can change and mess up people irreperably. It is just something that I am hyper-vigilant about because there's not too many worse things I can imagine for my kids.
Secondly, and I'm not sure I want to confess this one, but I am so afraid that I am going to die young. Because I absolutely hate to be left out of anything, and I just know that if I die, Eric will get married again and he will like her more than me, and the kids will like her more than me, and they will all live this whole life without me, and in the end I will just be a 5th wheel that got left out of everything and is no-one's favorite and I won't be loved the mostest! How's that for insecurity?
I used to be horrified of spiders and soon realized that screaming and running away was not a good example. When we moved to ID I was quickly cured.
ReplyDeleteI used to be afraid of water. Well, I am still a little bit. When I was 11 I almost drown in Hawaii. I can't think of a more beautiful place. Nonetheless, I was fearfull for many years. Not so much anymore because life experience has taught me that floating on your back is easy.
I have 2 extreme paralyzing fears that keeps me from living my life 100%. I am sure if I had therapy I could over come them, but then I am not sure that would work.
First, I am afraid of heights and falling from those heights. When we went to Yellowstone I was petrified to walk out on some trails near the canyon. I have disabling panic attacks and feel like I can't breath. If my sweety is holding my hand I seem to be find. If not I feel dizzy and weak on my feet. It is a horrible feeling. I am ok in sitting situations. It is just those standing and walking moments next to a cliffs edge that panic me.
Second fear I have is the fear of being a single parent at a young age. I would think that a young age qualifies for those under the age of 55. I fear that David will die. I believe I have valid reasons to feel this way and have taken the steps to secure my future with or without him. I loose sleep at night and get anxiety about this issue probably way to often. The thought of raising 4 children alone in my later years is frightening. I imagine having grandchildren and living alone. Maybe the fear is being alone more then anything.