But it did get worse two Sundays ago when Andrew and I were in nursery (aka Outer Darkness) and my craft project went horribly wrong. I had purchased two packages of spring colored pipe cleaners and the plan was to have the little two year olds bend them into flower shapes. Simple, right? Well, no. It turns out that pipe cleaner flowers are much harder than they would seem, so all the adults in nursery were making flowers for the kids, who were sitting there, not very patiently, with nothing to do. One of the women said, "Boys and girls, isn't Sister Kestner so creative?"
"Yeah," came my response, "the kids are bored out of their minds while we enjoy adult entertainment hour."
That really wasn't what I meant, and I didn't realize the implication I had made until the silence in the room reached a length of about three seconds. Then I looked up and saw everyone staring at me or avoiding my glance, depending on their personality. I apologized and then crawled into a hole in the floor.
Have you ever humiliated yourself at church? Come on, make me feel better.
I'm very, very sure I have. I must have blocked them out to spare myself. But I do remember once in Seminary (I was definitely old enough to know better) we were talking about when Jared and his family built their barrel-shaped boats to sail across to the Promised Land. The teacher said that they built a hatch at both the top and the bottom, so that no matter which way the boat rotated, they could always open it up to get fresh air. And before I thought about it for nearly long enough, I raised my hand and said, "But how did they know which one they could open and which one was underwater?" Wow. It was one of those times when you know, the second it flies out of your mouth how stupid it was, but it was too late by then. Yeah, that one got a good laugh.
ReplyDeleteMany times. Once when I was a beehive, we were in Sunday school and my friends started laughingly describing the fun night they had had the night before, which my friend Melissa had just described to me before class started. Just when they were reaching the part where Melissa pees her pants, I suddenly started paying attention, and recognizing what I had been hearing, I burst in with, "And then she peed her pants!!?" And sure enough, as the words came out of my mouth I realized she was planning on leaving that part out of the story. And then I tried to cover. And then it got worse. Not funny worse.
ReplyDeleteThey got offended about that? Geez. :)
ReplyDeleteI am sure I have done many embarrasing things. I too must have blocked them out. I do remember having one particular child (baby at the time)have diarrhea all over me during sacrament. oh the smell.
ReplyDeleteMy kids dont embarass me to much, but when the would get up a few yrs back and bear their storyimony oh I mean testimony I would cringe. They would tell about a family trip with no spiritual tone to it. And then throw in a and "Dad had to spank us all for being to noisy!"in front of the whole congregation.
Nothing quite compares to the time when, after staying up all night (yes, aaalllll night), my friends and I headed to church. It was the Las Vegas Singles Ward. Now, we were sitting in our gospel doctrine class, waiting for it to begin, when the sunday school pres asked for some of us to move to the other class so everyone would have a place to sit. (It was a big ward in a small institute building.)
ReplyDeleteWe thought why not? and got up to switch classes. Then, out of nowhere, as I was making my way to the end of the row of plastic chairs, one of those said chairs leaped out and tackled me. Now, if you've ever seen a high-rise building demolished you might appreciate just what a sight that might have been. All six feet, two inches of me went tumbling down to the ground.
Thankfully, my skirt did not come all the way up to reveal my underware, (small blessings, right?) although I'm sure everyone got a good look at my pasty white thighs.
The rest of the block went very slow for me. Everyone asking if I was okay. Needless to say, that was the last time I stayed up all night.