As some of you know, my tenth wedding anniversary is in just a few days. (Andrew is such a lucky guy!) Last night we were laying in bed talking about how long ago we fell in love. We were high school sweethearts, you know. I dislike that phrase. It sounds so sugar coated and fruity. However, we come from a long line of high school sweethearts, on my side of the family, and I guess that's pretty cool. My parents and both of their parents met and fell in love in their high school years. Precious, eh?
This is us when we were young and I had all my hair. Having kids can do some wicked things to your body.
Anyway,we got lots of advice before we were married. Unfortunately, no one ever told us to keep the bathroom door shut when we used the toilet, so our relationship can get rather gory sometimes. Did you know that there are couples who have never farted in front of each other? What I wouldn't give to have Andrew take on that trait!
One piece of advice that I hated before marriage and still detest to this day is that you should never go to bed angry. Drives me crazy to think that if I got ticked at Andrew at ten at night, I might be stuck staying up until three in the morning just to say that I didn't go to bed mad! I'd much rather get some sleep so I can be reasonable and deal with it in the morning. Plus, we all know that men don't like to be forced to talk about anything until they're good and ready, so I'm not about to sit up with Andrew watching South Park so that we can discuss his compulsive convenience store spending before I go to bed and get up an hour before he does. (And yes, my husband watches South Park and he knows he's going straight to Hell for it.)
But we did get some good advice before marriage. I just can't remember any of it right now. It's late - cut me some slack.
But we did get some good advice before marriage. I just can't remember any of it right now. It's late - cut me some slack.
(Remember to check the anonymous box when you leave your comment so that I can take you seriously.)
Sacrifice
ReplyDeleteServe
Sex
Work on the friendship aspect as well as the romantic. You must like each other as well as love each other.
ReplyDeleteI think it's important to not let the little annoyances occupy your thoughts. Focus on the positive. That, and do something nice for him/her every day. Go out of your way to make sure your spouse knows you adore him.
ReplyDeleteWhenever anyone asks me for marriage advice, like at a bridal shower, I always say "go to bed angry." I'm usually much nicer after I've had a chance to sleep and cool off. But I think probably the best advice for any marriage is to not give up! I think that is the actual #1 cause of divorce. Couples come to a point in their lives where it's not fun anymore, or they have learned most of the other person's flaws, or their lives are really hard right then, or they "fall out of love", and so they just decide that it must be time to get a divorce!
ReplyDeleteI do believe there are a few very specific times when divorce is warranted (I like Dr. Laura'a criteria, the 3 A's: Abuse, Addiction, and Adultery - to which I would add REPEATED Adultery, because I know plenty of couples where infidelity has been involved, and they have worked it out and are very happy, so I don't think one incidence of adultery is a hard and fast criteria for everyone). But I think that most of the time, marriage just gets hard and not fun anymore, so people just give up, way too easily. There's a sense of entitlement, like no one should have to be unhappy for a while, or not in their favorite situation, and heaven forbid they should stay civilly and happily with a partner for the sake of the kids, or until they can rekindle the love and affection.
Going along with this, the best piece of advice that I personally received before I was married was this: If you will make it your #1 priority to do everything you can to make your husband happy and taken care of, and if he will make it his #1 priority to do everything he can to make sure you are happy and taken care of, then everyone will be supremely happy and taken care of and you never have to be selfish to do it!
Pray Together. Whenever couples go in and talk to their bishops over their marital issues. I know that many will ask "Do you pray together?" I think that is one element of a relationship that can bridge any gaps. It can renew your faith in marriage and help you see your spouse as more of a spiritual being in a eternal perspective. I believe it fights off Satan and keeps him from tempting us into entering paths that are difficult to exit from.
ReplyDeleteHaving a sense of humor! You HAVE to be able to laugh at yourselves as a couple, and at yourself personally when your behavior is just ridiculous.
ReplyDeleteDon't fall out of love with each other at the same time. Great advice from my manacurist on my wedding day!
ReplyDeleteSay I love you every day, and mean it.
What gives? You erased my comment!
ReplyDeleteAlthough, yeah, there are more than one that were here the other day and are not here now. I have no idea what's up with that.
ReplyDeleteI have deleted no comments. If it's not there, it's because it didn't save. :)
ReplyDeleteWhenever anyone asks me for marriage advice, like at a bridal shower, I always say "go to bed angry." I'm usually much nicer after I've had a chance to sleep and cool off. But I think probably the best advice for any marriage is to not give up! I think that is the actual #1 cause of divorce. Couples come to a point in their lives where it's not fun anymore, or they have learned most of the other person's flaws, or their lives are really hard right then, or they "fall out of love", and so they just decide that it must be time to get a divorce!
ReplyDeleteI do believe there are a few very specific times when divorce is warranted (I like Dr. Laura'a criteria, the 3 A's: Abuse, Addiction, and Adultery - to which I would add REPEATED Adultery, because I know plenty of couples where infidelity has been involved, and they have worked it out and are very happy, so I don't think one incidence of adultery is a hard and fast criteria for everyone). But I think that most of the time, marriage just gets hard and not fun anymore, so people just give up, way too easily. There's a sense of entitlement, like no one should have to be unhappy for a while, or not in their favorite situation, and heaven forbid they should stay civilly and happily with a partner for the sake of the kids, or until they can rekindle the love and affection.
Going along with this, the best piece of advice that I personally received before I was married was this: If you will make it your #1 priority to do everything you can to make your husband happy and taken care of, and if he will make it his #1 priority to do everything he can to make sure you are happy and taken care of, then everyone will be supremely happy and taken care of and you never have to be selfish to do it!
I think it's important to not let the little annoyances occupy your thoughts. Focus on the positive. That, and do something nice for him/her every day. Go out of your way to make sure your spouse knows you adore him.
ReplyDeleteWork on the friendship aspect as well as the romantic. You must like each other as well as love each other.
ReplyDeleteOkay, I don't know how comments got lost. I went back into my e-mail and re-posted the ones I saw were missing. Blogger rocks, huh? Sorry if anyone was offended by their comment not being here. I welcome all comments. I just don't know what happened!
ReplyDeleteCommunication. Period. If your husband asks you what is wrong and you say "nothing" when there is clearly something wrong - you solve nothing.
ReplyDeleteFight naked.
ReplyDeleteCompromise. Recognize that no one ever gets everything their own way, and that's normal. Develop the ability to agree to disagree on the things that don't really matter and *really mean it*!
ReplyDelete