Placenta and Saran Wrap

You know, I have the first version of that controversial post all written and it is sitting in my "drafts" pile while I sleep on it and decide if it should be posted as is, revised, or dumped into the trash bin along with my self-righteous fury.

So while I contemplate that one, you all get to read another batch of my responses to Five Question Friday. These are good ones because they give me opportunity to look bad, and I know you all like that.

Here we go...

(It's fun to play along, by the way, so head over to My Little Life and follow her instructions there!)

1. What do you think makes a good friend, or friendship?
A good friend is someone who will tell you when you have something stuck in your teeth. A good friend will hang out with you even when all you feel like doing is wallowing in self-pity over your really tough day. I good friend will let you borrow her clothes when you have nothing to wear. I think the best kind of friend is a sister. Sisters understand why you are weird and inappropriate, because they came from the same crazy parents. You can't beat that.

2. What is the last thing you bought & later regretted?
I get buyer's remorse EVERY SINGLE TIME I EAT OUT. Fast food or restaurant, it doesn't matter. All it is is really expensive calories that I didn't need anyway. A couple of weeks ago I thought I was being all hip and smart by eating a cucumber for lunch. Bo-shizzle! (Or whatever phrase indicates that I am cool.) And then I went on a walk with my kids to the library. By the time I got there I was so famished that I had to stop at the 7-11 next door to the library and buy a Dr. Pepper and a bag of Bugles. It satisfied my hunger at the moment, but afterward I felt nothing but shame.

3. Have you ever had a prank played on you?

Um, yes. Like the time my dad convinced me, (very easily), that Stevie Wonder wasn't really blind, that it was all a marketing ploy. Or the time that I worked at a daycare and was trying to tend to the Autistic boy who was picking poop out of his pants and flinging it across the room, but the phone rang and I had to answer it. It was a mentally handicapped boy on the other end of the line who was crying and looking for his dad. The phone was corded and I couldn't reach the poo flinger, but I also couldn't leave the poor handicapped boy crying on the phone all alone and scared... Turns out it was my dad on the phone playing a joke on me. Really bad timing. There were poop balls all over the room by the time I got off the phone. And then there was the time that I told my sisters and my aunt and uncle about a horrible nightmare I had had when I was eight that scarred me for life. It had to do with my parents wrapping my sisters in saran wrap and putting them in the trunk of our car for a long trip because there weren't enough chicken nuggets to feed us all. I knew my sisters were going to suffocate and die in that plastic wrap, so I sobbed and told them I would try to sneak them some chicken nuggets. Their poor faces all covered in saran wrap... I woke up sobbing and terrified. After I told my family about that nightmare, I got up to go to the bathroom, and when I came back everyone was laying sprawled on the couches and floor with big, empty eyes and saran wrap over their faces. Jerks. I guess that's teasing, not a prank, but still...

4. What is your favorite theme park?

I have only been to a few. Knott's Berry Farm, Disneyland, Universal Studios, and Lagoon, (which is only 5 minutes from my house! Boo-yah!). Disneyland has to take the cake on that one, because it's the most magical place on Earth, duh. Plus, they have good churros. But Universal Studios was super fun, too. I love the Bates Motel. And I got to be Jennifer from Back to the Future, and ride in the flying Delorean. I know - you wish you were as cool as me.

5. Have you ever seen someone else give birth?

No. I've never even seen myself give birth, thankyouverymuch. I did watch a video of it in 9th grade biology, but I think I must have blocked it out. Who wants to see that kind of thing? I do remember the first time I gave birth and the doctor showed me the placenta. I thought it looked like a big, hugungous, juicy steak. But I hadn't eaten all day, so I was probably just really hungry.

Have a fantastic Friday, Everyone!!