A Role Model

My lil' bro, Joel, is just a great big kid. Big as in, 6' 7" or something like that.

And 110 pounds.

He could poke your eyeballs out with his elbows for sure.

It's that big kid factor that makes him such a wicked awesome uncle. My boys adore him. They absorb everything from his vocabulary to his facial expressions.

I love that Joel loves my kids so much, and that they have such a great pal in him, but honestly, there was a time not too far back when I thought I might have to schedule supervised visits because I was worried about what kind of stuff he might teach my kids next.

Like how to build a flame thrower.

So far, though, there have been no flame throwers. Only a mace, a battle axe, and some kind of sword with horns; all made out of foam and PVC pipe. They all beat the crap out of each other with them.

I just know that one day soon I'm going to find all of them at the park, dressed in medieval garb, having pretend battles with their Dungeons and Dragons buddies while their slutty wenches cheer them on from the sidelines. I will deal with that by pretending I don't know any of them.

The upside to all of this is that my kids can take a hit like a man. (Parenting tip: If you have a pansy for a son, just make a foam weapon and hit him with it until he stops crying.)

Joel has other areas of expertise, too, though. For example, my seven and nine year olds went to a water park with him recently and came home saying things like, "Bow-chick-a-bow-wow", and "Foxy Lay-day!", while curving their hands around in the shape of an hour-glass. They do not say this about ugly girls, so Joel must have taught them how to spot the hotties.

You can be sure I thanked him for that.

So imagine my elation when Joel taught my boys something that didn't involve violence or pre-pubescent lust! He taught them how to ride his new long board.

The kicker is that he made them wear a helmet!

So maybe there's nothing to worry about, after all.