I'm not sure if I'm really paranoid or just a huge nit-wit. So I present it to you all - and you can decide.
The first time was when I called my mom at work and told her that I'd had a day from hell and by the way, guess what weird things my kid had eaten that day? A paintball and a shell casing from a .22 pistol. (Or something like that - I don't keep up on my gun lingo.) I thought she would laugh and tell me how crazy my life was, but she didn't. She got all freaky and started to wonder what kind of metal those casings are made of, and could it be lead?
And then I was sure that if I didn't do something my kid would die of lead poisoning.
In comes poison control.
And they told me that I had to take my kid to the emergency room to have an x-ray to be sure he had not swallowed it, or that if he had swallowed it, it had passed through his bowels.
Long story short, the x-ray was clear. And that trip to the ER will be paid off in approximately five more months. But you know what happens if you call poison control and they tell you to take your kid to the hospital and you don't do it? Neither do I. But I bet they sick the CPA on your ass and make sure all your neighbors know you are an unfit parent.
Episode number two happened a couple of months later when I had been babysitting my nephew full time for about a week. He got hold of the diaper rash cream and thought he'd see if it tasted better than that crap, Enfamil.
It was kinda humiliating to tell my sister that it only took me five days to almost kill her child.
My third call happened when my husband asked me to help him work on his 1963 Volkswagen Beetle. (Tip for the men-folk: Don't hook your gas line up to a compressed air tank and tell your wife to look into the gas tank and tell you if there are bubbles coming up in it.) So two eyes full of supreme unleaded gasoline later, plus a little in the mouth, we had call number three in the books.
Tonight I just laughed. Trent brought me a tube of rub-on insect repellent, which he had unscrewed the cap from and taken a bite out of. I honestly couldn't believe I was about to do this again.
After that third incident, my mother brought me a fridge magnet with Poison Control's number on it and a pamphlet that is meant for thirteen year old babysitters who are idiots and let their charges drink Windex and snack on Vicoden. Mom knew it would come in handy for me, too. And boy, did it! It was nice to not have to Google the hotline number. This way is much more efficient.
So I called and told the operator, (I always get a man), that I had a pretty thick file there somewhere with my information. He still asked for my name, the culprit's name, and our phone number. I gave him all the info he asked for and assured him that even though I was a repeat offender and a bad mother, I had not used a fake name.
Apparently, deet, the active ingredient in this particular type of insect repellent that Trent decided to sample, can cause seizures in small children, but given the amount that Trent ate, (and likely spat out), and his astronomical weight, he'll be fine.
But the nice man from poison control called back an hour later to check on Trent. And probably also to make sure I hadn't negligently damaged any of my other children.
If there is a black list at Poison Control - I'm sitting right at the top.
Hahahahaha! I am so glad that I'm not the only one who does this!
ReplyDeleteAdam ate dog poo once(it was dried and he found it in the backyard, I qualify it since dry sounds a little less ick, and the backyard part lets you know we don't just have poo laying around for our kids to snack on)I freaked out and called P.C. They told me I'd be surprised how often they get calls for that.
I've called about Tylenol being drank/drunk/drinked straight from the bottle. A tube of tooth paste that was totally eaten.(google says that toddlers shouldn't ingest more than a pea sized amount)
And I've called when Mack ate almost an entire stick of solid men's deodorant. Nasty!
I think they probably know me as a repeat offender as well!
I don't know how you stood the gasoline! I would have died! I hate it when it gets on my hands at the pump!
I bet Mack had a serious case of dry mouth after eating that deodorant!! I licked some off my hand once, not realizing that's what it was, and my tongue dried up like desert sand. It was really weird.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, I will never forget the burning in my eyes from that gas. Yikes!
I'd completely forgotten about the diaper rash cream incident. That was pretty funny...after you said he was fine.
ReplyDeleteThe only time I've called poison control is when Mom accidentally doused her face in nail polish remover, getting a more than healthy dose in the eye. She ended up burning half her retina away. (Which grows back, by the way. Freaky - eh?)
Bahaha! I'm fairly positive Poison Control will probably be on my speed dial when we have kiddos.
ReplyDeleteMy dad drank Miracle Grow once. It was in the pitcher that we usually put Kool-Aid in. My dad picked it up thinking it was just some blue punch. He called Poison Control and they just laughed at him. Funniest moment ever.
We've been lucky and only had to call PC twice: once when we were at someone else's house and Matt ate one of their sleeping pills (he was fine, but he slept most of that day and couldn't walk straight. He looked like a cute little sleepy drunk man!).
ReplyDeleteThe other time was on Halloween when Josh bit through his glow-in-the-dark necklace. He had glowing green lips, face and clothes, and was freaking out about getting it on his tongue. Which I can sympathize with, since when I tried to clean him up I got a little on my hands and it kinda burned! He was fine, obviously, but the sad part is that this was only 2 Halloweens ago, so he was plenty old to not be chewing on things! The little weirdo.
See? SEE? I wasn't crazy when I blogged about how bad DEET was!
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear of your close calls, but at least you can laugh about it later. (And make me laugh in return!)
craig mistook hemorrhoid cream for toothpaste when he was traveling for work. he called poison control, too!
ReplyDeleteOK, I'm cracking up about the drinking Windex and snacking on Vicodin!!
ReplyDeleteI think you are just a mom who lets kids explore and HAVE FUN, and sometimes this is what gets them into interesting situations! Thank goodness for Poison Control! I'm sure my parents had to call more than a few times...
1 outta 4! And it was #4. I am feeling good about that..She ate an entire small bottle of children's Tylenol (after climbing to the top of linen closet to get it). Thus, we called PC and off we went to the ER so she could drink her black milkshake..She loved it. Who knew Charcoal shakes tasted so good?
ReplyDeleteI feel your pain! I thought for sure the last time I called poison control I'd have a follow up from CPS. They let me go through the whole story, and then at the end ask me for all my personal info in a real serious tone. I like how they start with the non-identifiable questions and then build up to the "we could send the police over right now with that info" ones. My 2 year old drank 3/4 of a large bottle of tylenol so we had to take him to the ER, but he ended up being fine.
ReplyDelete