Everyone always says the same things; I want to be able to fly, telekinesis, read minds, super strength, teleporting... And if it's a guy, they always want X-ray vision. Or invisibility.
Well what about other super powers? Since there is no such thing, you could really pick anything you like! Here are some that I have always thought would be nice...
Ability to see farts. It's disgusting to walk into one, especially with your mouth open. So wouldn't it be nice if you could see them, like in green fog form, so you could dodge the toxins and not have to inhale anyone's butt air? That, and it would be hilarious to be able to see people fart in church, or at weddings, or at the doctor's office... And, if that weren't enough - you'd be able to settle arguments as to who the fart culprit was in a stinky room. No more blame game.
Ability to pick the perfect watermelon every time. No more wasted money. No more disappointment at picnics or barbecues - you'd be the hero! The go-to gal/guy!
Ability to grow hair at lightening speed. Bad haircut? How about a do-over? Always wonder what you'd look like as a blond or with a pixie cut? Give it a try! If you don't like it - cut it all off and start over with a fresh batch.
Ability to make unpleasant things vanish. Dog poop in the grass at the park that you're sure your kids will step in? Gone. Extra pound of flesh bobbing around your middle? History. Mother-in-law came for a surprise visit? Not anymore!
Ability to rewind time. Did you just put your foot in your mouth? You get an instant do-over. Also comes in handy when you loose your temper with your kids, have to go to the bathroom in the middle of a good movie at the theater, or when you can't remember what you went into the bathroom to get.
Ability to understand every language and dialect. I still wonder what the heck those South American guys were saying about me that day on the beach...
Ability to change the flavor of things. You could eat celery and tofu all day long and make it taste like those darn Pretzel MnM's. Heck, yeah!
Ability to multiply things that already exist. Or hell, just make things appear. Like when you run out of Pretzel MnM's. Make more - just like magic. Guys with thinning hair would appreciate this. So would those with bad teeth. Best use would be for money though. Definitely the money.
So how 'bout it? What would you want?
What a super fun post! I love the ability to see farts. That about made me crack up!
ReplyDeleteI'd like to have the superpower that allows me to eat all the desserts I want and have it be immediately metabolized and never cause weight gain.
I'd like the ability to anticipate and prevent tantrums or meltdowns in my daughter.
I'd like to turn off the husband's desire to 'get busy" whenever I didn't feel like it :)
Gigi!! The get busy switch is pure brilliance! I love it!
ReplyDeleteGreat, funny post! I would especially appreciate the "seeing farts" superpower....both for self-protection and just because it would make everyday life MUCH funnier!
ReplyDeleteI would add Instant Airbrush as my superpower. Getting up in the morning and having to look at ALL those wrinkles can just start my day off on the wrong foot! Poof, just like the mother in law, they are gone!
Love Gigi's last one, too....perfect!
Seeing farts - this could be both a blessing and a curse. I think if I could actually see how much my husband has stanked up our house, I might need to move out.
ReplyDeleteBut changing the flavor of things???? Now that's pure genius! That is totally going to be my super power dream from now on.
This was a great post! Funny! On an airplane overseas I would love to be able to see the farts. Somehow by the second or third hour it always stinks! He, he, he! Very funny! I am a new follower! Come visit Mama's Little Chick when you can! I hope you have a great 4th of July!
ReplyDeleteMama Hen
www.mamaslittlechick.com
This is a FANTASTIC list of super-powers! I'm especially in favor of rewinding time ;). I'd also like the ability to snap my fingers and have chores be done instantly!
ReplyDeleteOMGosh! I was laughing out loud at the fart one! I LOVE the idea of changing the flavor of food.. yummy!
ReplyDeleteI would love the seeing farts ability...however, I'd like it not to apply to my own farts! ha ha
ReplyDeleteI would like the power to make my wife want to always get busy... or fall very soundly asleep. It's all good. ;~)
ReplyDeleteI would also like the ability to "fry" the stereo systems of those punks that blast the rap-crap and make my intestines vibrate w/every sub-woofer beat.
Maybe I could shoot lasers out my eyes at people that drive under the speed limit too!
AND, the ability to make my wife want to get busy... did I already say that one??? hmmm....
I'm all over the ability to flavor things. Good one! And the do overs, who wouldn't want that?
ReplyDeleteI already have the ability to pick good watermelons.
My husband's family had a produce stand when he was growing up. The key(and we've had good luck with it)as he's explained to me, is not just the hollow sound when you thump it, but making sure the bottom looks older and maybe a little beat up. That means it's been in the field for a while, and not that two or three good rains inflated it really fast. The ones that grow really fast don't have as much flavor, supposedly. I think they have to sit in the sun to get sweet.
Loved this! Most of the farts in our house get blamed on either the cat or the baby. Someone would be in serious trouble if a fart detection machine were ever invented.
ReplyDeleteI'm so late to this party, but can I add the ability to make my favorite human live right across the street from me forever? It doesn't have to be this street (in fact, please, please let it be any other street), but I did mention forever, right?
ReplyDelete