Homeskool Curriculum

I know this will make something like three posts today, but I've been slaving over this homeschool schedule, and I've never done it before, so it's a little intimidating. I wanted to share with you what I've got so far and get your feedback. Here's our first week's schedule:


Daily Activities:

Pledge of Allegiance - Or sing the theme song to South Park. We'll just pick whichever one we're feeling most loyal to at the time.

Math - We'll be spending a lot of time on story problems. For example, "If there are 24 cans of Dr. Pepper in the fridge at the start of the day and by the time Daddy comes home from work there is no more Vicoden left in the medicine cabinet, how long will Mommy be in re-hab?" Real-life stuff like that is important.

Reading time! - Before you know it, my kids will have tackled Moby Dick and they will tout their superior intelligence to every adult and peon child they meet. I can't wait for my kids to be better than everyone else's!

Lunch - Making the kids cook for me is a life skill.

P.E. - We're just going to start counting their punishments as school time. The boys run too many laps around the house and do way too many push-ups and wall squats to not be counting those hours as part of our curriculum. And no one really needs to know how to play badminton. We're good.

Our first week of variable activities will be as follows:

Science - We'll start by observing the progression of milk to cottage cheese when left in a sippy cup underneath a car seat. That'll take about two days.

After that, we'll move on to a study of the effects of prolonged breastfeeding on six year olds. I'm sure I'll be able to find a Dr. Phil or some You Tube videos dealing with this subject.

We'll follow that theme with a field trip to the farm, where we will learn how to milk a cow. And how to tell the difference between a dairy cow and a bull. I am sticking with this dairy theme for science because it ties into our first health unit...

Health - We'll be learning about the four food groups. Chocolate, ice cream, potato chips, and Soda Pop. Each child will be tested on his knowledge by having to put together an entire day's worth of meals using nothing outside these food groups.

And let's not forget -

The Arts - We'll do all kinds of things, like dress up as people from the bible and act out everything from pillars of salt to lion's dens. Walking on water might be a little out of our league. But I think we'll make our own costumes out of dryer lint and toilet paper. We'll also sing songs about loving our neighbors, and learn to play instruments - like the kazoo.

That's what I have so far. I think it's a good start.

I hope your kids don't feel too bad about their crappy public education.