How To Be A Gracious House Guest

Welcome back, everyone! In case you missed yesterday's How To Be A Stellar Hostess, you can read it here. It's compulsory, in fact. There might be a quiz.

Today, we're discussing part two - being a gracious house guest. These tips are just as important as those of the hostess. You do after all, want to be invited back, right? *Again, I will say that these tips are things I've found helpful while staying overnight in someone's home, but I'm not claiming that I actually do them all.*

• Arrive when you say you will. Perhaps your host is preparing dinner for you and if you come late, their efforts will have gone to waste. Unless the man of the house is a human garbage disposal, and that's not going to be appreciated by the wife, either.

• Happily accept whatever accommodations are provided you and refrain from pointing out how much better your own house is.

• Offer to help. Often, you'll be turned down and told to just relax, but failure to be considerate and grateful will make you look like a jerk. Jerks don't get dessert.

• Try to keep your personal belongings contained in one spot. Stringing your toiletries all over the bathroom counter and leaving your bra or dirty socks hanging about the living room is distasteful.

• Bodily functions and noises are only funny in your own house. OK, and at my house. So unless you're home, or crashing at my place, put a cork in it.
  

• Don't pee in their shower. Do what you will in your own home, but don't desecrate the place where your host bathes her children. This concept could apply to other things, but I'll leave it there for your further contemplation.

• Adjust your life to the habits of your host. If they are early risers, don't sleep in and then get all bent out of shape when their toddler bursts into fits of laughter and wakes you up at 11:30 A.M.

• It's not going to hurt you to try new things. If your hostess is preparing a feast of dolmades and souvlaki, forget about the boring pot roast that you insist on every Sunday evening, and give the new food a taste. Picky eaters are never welcome guests, so find a way to get yourself or your kids past it. However, if your host is that goat blood drinker or considers tofu an acceptable form of protein, offer to pay for take-out.

• If you bring kids with you, don't forget their leash/time-out chair/wooden spoon/duct tape/straight jacket, or whatever else you use to keep them under control. Nothing will make your hostess want to invent an excuse for you to leave like a pack of unruly children with no regard for her furniture or level of migraine.

• Also keep in mind that your pets are not necessarily welcome. Best to ask first, and if you know your host is not an animal person, (my hand is raised), don't even think about it.

• Even if the cleanliness of the host's home gave you the willies, or the conversation was dull, or you unexpectedly had to sleep on the floor with the dust mites, send a thank you note when you get home. That way, if you vow to never go near those people again, you at least won't have hurt anyone's feelings.

That should give us all a good base to jump from, but please add your own thoughts and tips in the comments section!