The Flick Picker - Twilight Edition

Happy Friday! It's time for another visit from The Flick Picker. This week he's tackling a movie that I found quite painful. But I loved it's sequel with all my heart - for all the wrong reasons. I'm interested to see what all of your thoughts are. And away we go...In three, two, one...

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Hello everybody! Nice seeing you again.... It's David here with my "David Picks Flicks" column! (insert applause here)

Today, I want to take you on a journey back in time...... (everything goes kind of wavy and then blurry - then - comes back into focus.) "Dude, what I am I wearing? A pink Polo shirt with the collar up? Why are my jeans so tight that I am numb in my nether region? I digress, and you probably get the picture.... I find myself in my sophomore literature class being told that as soon as the class finishes reading Lord of the Flies that we will be able to make popcorn on Friday and see the movie version.

How many of you remember our high school teachers motivating our reading by the allure of being able to watch the movie? I remember the teacher rolling in the projector (yes, I said it) - that thing that clicked as loud as the movie itself - for us to see one person's interpretation of the book we had just finished reading. I don't know about you, but it always seemed that something was missing. After the movie was over, we would spend time talking about things like "How did the director develop the character of "Piggy?" Blah, blah, blah!

I believe that my English literature teacher always made sure that the movie did follow the story line well, and that it worked for her purposes of instructing any particular book / novel.

Keeping my above illustration in mind, it is with heavy heart that I must bring to you my review of:

Photo credit

TWILIGHT - circa 2008

Directed by Catherine Hardwicke Screenplay by Melissa Rosenberg

Starring Kristin Stewart and Robert Pattinson with Taylor Lautner

Bella, a teenage girl moves to Forks, Washington. She re-kindles a relationship with her estranged father and has to be "the new kid" at school. She meets a unique boy named Edward who has some interesting traits. She suspects, and after research confirms, that Edward is a vampire. Edward swears to protect her now that she has this knowledge, and must do so frequently as a group of vampires find Bella very appetizing!

I will start off by saying that I have NOT read the Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer, and thus wish to give an outsider's view of this movie of the same name. I admit that I did NOT see this movie in the theater. I DID however, buy this movie on Bluray disc as a nice surprise for my wife.

The setting was very appropriate as the story line is in the Pacific Northwest. (Yes, it does rain that much there.) The fact that I have played football at the High School the movie set was located at was kind of cool. (The movie credits Kalama High School as the location.)

First of all - not sure why they even offered this movie in Bluray... The lighting and colors were not very vivid. And for Pete's sake - "Edward Cullen" could use some color in those cheeks!

If the director was trying to create a dreary world, she succeeded.

The acting was adequate. I have only seen Pattinson, (Edward Cullen), as an actor in a supporting roll in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, so, I don't know if he was on par or not. Stewart, (Bella Swan), is a newcomer to me - not sure if she has done anything major other than this roll or not. Lautner, (Jacob Black), is Shark Boy - come on!

Like I said, the acting was about as good as can be expected from this ensemble cast of relative unknowns. No real holes to speak of - and the contracts were apparently iron clad as the acting cast is solid for all of the rest of the movies yet to be made.

I guess my biggest issue with the movie is that the Director and Screenplay Writer were absolutely lazy. I honestly believe that they made the movie knowing that most of the target audience would have already read the book. When I put down my cash to see a movie, I like to be told/shown a story. I like to be entertained. I got neither of these from this film. I felt like I was listening in on a public conversation that some wanted to keep private. I was only told the parts that the two snobs having the conversation were willing to throw my way, and I only caught bits and pieces of the exchange! I wonder if Stephenie Meyer was happy with the final product?

There was almost no time spent developing the characters. There was no background dialog to explain significant occurrences, e.g., Edward's absence after first meeting Bella. In a scene where Bella fell while standing near her truck, I was wondering - "What was that all about?" Marcy, my wife, had to explain that "Bella is kind of a klutz". Does she get paid for explaining the movie to me? I initially thought that Bella was sick or dying or something. I think another 5 minutes of movie could have explained a lot of things to me. (I know that I was not the target audience.)

The special effects were horrific! For instance, in several scenes, we see that vampires in the world of Bella have super human strength and can apparently run really, really, really fast. Almost like their feet never touch the ground! I think somebody took the original film and hit it with a "Pink Pearl" eraser to create the "blur" motion of the vampires running. A little cheesy for me.

The story line, (what I caught of it), in regards to the vampires was kind of cool. Apparently Edward is very,very old. The Cullen's are "Good" vampires - they don't eat humans - just animals... They enjoy things that the rest of us do. Picnics, Baseball - - I guess the thunderstorm baseball game was lost on me, too. Oh, I get it - Vampires have so much strength that when they hit a baseball it sounds like thunder? Right.

The romantic struggle comes from Edward, a vampire, being conflicted with how much he should express his feelings for Bella. She intoxicates him. She confuses him. And it doesn't help that he daily has to ward off the "vampire urge" to take a big bite of that soft nape of her neck!

This movie didn't really go into much detail, but Jacob Black was introduced as a childhood friend of Bella's. He has a family history indicating that they don't get on so well with the Cullen's. Could it be that he might be from a "pack" of supernatural beings as well? The suspense is killing me - Make it stop! Really, MAKE IT STOP!

I have spent some time here. In all, I was just disappointed that I felt like a fish out of water in regards to understanding this movie. I think that it was probably a lot more fun for those who actually read the book and could fill in the gaps that the Director and Screenwriter left behind. I have seen New Moon. It was better - but then, I kinda knew the story line by then.

I really felt like this was the type of movie that my literature teacher would show us after we as a class finished reading the book. I dub it "An after school special".

I rate this movie 2 1/2 Schnauzers. (On a 7 Schnauzer scale.) I had honestly hoped for more.

Until next time, plant your butt in a chair, stuff your mouth with popcorn, and enjoy a good movie!