This morning...ok, it was afternoon, I was in the shower, and my Tiny Guy came in to use the toilet. (Joys of having just one bathroom, people.) I heard him flush, and a few seconds later I heard the door open and close. I assumed he had gone out, so I proceeded to wash my face.
As soon as my face was covered with soap I heard Tiny Guy say something. He was still in the bathroom. My heart jumped out of my chest, and being unable to open my eyes due to the lather of soap covering them, I shoved my head under the stream of water and furiously tried to wipe my eyes clean. I may or may not have been having a minor heart attack.
I do not wash my face if there is another person in the bathroom. I'm not exactly sure of what I'm afraid of. Could be anything, really -- the person could pull back the curtain and poke you, or ... I don't know. It's a creepy feeling to know that someone could be looking at you while you're naked and vulnerable and can't see anything.
Also scary is when your kid comes into your bedroom in the middle of the night for a glass of water or to tell you that he had a bad dream, and he doesn't say anything - just stands there in the doorway like a character straight out of Children of the Corn, staring at you, seemingly fantasizing your bloody death. You wake up with that feeling of being watched, roll over, and see an evil midget demon boring holes into the back of your head with their disturbed gaze. I really hate that. The kid should say something for crap's sake.
People following me down a hallway or up a flight of stairs also does me in. I can't take it. Especially the short ones. Toddlers are the worst.
A couple days ago, my brother introduced me to a new fear -- motorized wheelchairs in supermarkets. He's got a bum knee that's acting up, so when he came to the store with me he opted for the power wheels instead of the cane, and he held my Tiny Guy on his lap. I tried over and over to get behind him and his sinister chair, but he just kept looping around the aisles and coming up behind me again.
It became infinitely worse when he whispered something into Tiny Guy's ear and then my sweet little boy cackled, "I'm gonna get you!". I had to sprint to the check-out stand after that, heart missing beats all the way.
So I guess what it comes down to is, I'm really terrified of small children.
As you should be, darling. As you should be. Have a good night's sleep....
ReplyDeleteI HATE it when they come in the middle of the night and hover over you. All of the sudden you wake up and there they are! AKKK!
ReplyDeleteI'm with you on the one when the kids walk up to your bed as silent as can be and just stare. What is that? Scares the heck out of me...just standing there, in the dark, staring...I don't get it?!?
ReplyDeleteThat photo really creeps me out... I see what you mean. And did your little one really chase you around the grocery store in that wheelchair? That is a picture I'd like to see.
ReplyDeleteHovering in the dark beside my bed freaks me out too. What do they want to do that for?
ReplyDeleteBut, to me, by far the scariest thing about kids is the amount of laundry that they generate!
I love that toddlers walking behind you down a flight of stairs frightens you! I'd so love to hang out with your quirky self!
It's the back up alarm on those carts in the store that freak me out, even if they only go 2 MPH.
ReplyDeleteYou have to share a bathroom with 5 guys? That would scare me too!
Children staring silently always terrifies me. Especially in the middle of the night. They have to be up to something, right?
ReplyDeletei'd pee myself if i woke up with kate staring at me! i don't blame you for feeling that way!
ReplyDeleteYeah. Um. That's creepy.
ReplyDeleteYes and yes on the surprise bathroom sneak-up and the middle of the night stare-fest. Just yesterday I was washing my face at the sink (almost as good as a whole shower!) and looked up to see two tiny people reflected in the mirror, just standing there, staring at me. Gaaahhh. Creepy kids.
ReplyDeleteAnd why can they manage total, sneaky quiet at that point, but not when I BEG them for two minutes of quiet so I can use the phone?
Oh my gosh, my three year old does that in the middle of the night but she'll lightly brush my arm until I wake up which always creeps me out when I wake up and see her standing there staring at me.
ReplyDeleteAnd so you should be. You just never know what they are going to do.
ReplyDeleteI'm afraid of the ones wheeling shopping carts around the store while their moms are totally oblivious to the fact that they are ramming into people and running over their feet. Every time I see one coming down the isle, I turn the other way and run.
So yeah, that picture freaked me out. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteAnd oh man. I'm kind of imagining some old lady/man chasing after you in a motorized wheelchair, cackling. And it's making me laugh. Sorry.
How 'bout the motorized chair that took the old lady up the stairs in Gremlins? I don't care who you are -- that's creepy.
ReplyDeleteServes you right for all of the hooror flicks you watch (and allow your children to watch). "I see dead people".
ReplyDeleteNow I'm actually really afraid to wash my face if I am the only person at home . Who KNOWS who could sneak in!
ReplyDeleteI have one that comes right up next to my peacefully sleeping self and then screams "MAMA!!!!" Talk about a heart attack!
ReplyDeleteI well remember your fear of people walking behind you though... I seem to remember someone chasing you down the hallway on their knees.... ;-)
My son sometimes comes in to our room in the middle of the night and stands right next to me, but doesn't say anything. Scares the hell out of me all the time.
ReplyDeleteAlso? Taking a shower in a shower that has a shower curtain. Ours is all glass. The shower curtain reminds me too much of "Psycho".
Oh yeah, small children can be scary. That's for sure.
ReplyDeleteSmall children and boundary issues ;)
ReplyDeleteOh, I HATE when they just appear at your bedside, when you are fast asleep....and don't say anything, just stare. Creeps me out!
ReplyDeleteWhen Josh was little, he always used to do the middle-of-the-night staring thing! Sometimes he did it from the doorway, but usually he came and stood right next to the bed, so I would awake to a silent dark figure looming over me, just staring... It still creeps me out just to think about it!!
ReplyDelete