Walk a Mile - The Life of an Army Wife

Welcome to our very first edition of Walk a mile! (If you don't know what Walk A Mile is, go here.) I know I told you we'd be talking about foster care today, but we had a little scheduling glitch, so we'll bump that one to next week. Today we're going to get a taste of military life from Maureen, who sent her husband off to fight for our country again this past June. I really can't imagine the sacrifice, but I am in awe of it. Here is just a little bit of Maureen's story...


The Silent Ranks
Author Unkown
I wear no uniforms, no blues or army greens
But I am in the Army in the ranks rarely seen. I have no rank upon my shoulders - salutes I do not give,
But the military world is the place where I live. I'm not in the chain of command, orders I do not get,
But my husband is the one who does, this I can not forget. I'm not the one who fires the weapon, who puts my life on the line, But my job is just as tough. I'm the one that's left behind. My husband is a patriot, a brave and prideful man, And the call to serve his country not all can understand.
Behind the lines I see the things needed to keep this country free,
My husband makes the sacrifice, but so do our kids and me.
I love the man I married, Soldiering is his life,
But I stand among the silent ranks known as the Army Wife.



Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be both single AND married? I never did, actually. And then I married into the military and I find myself with a foot in both worlds.

Now don’t misunderstand. I am very much married and very much in love with my husband. I don’t mean single in the “available” definition…I just mean that I’m the sole responsible adult in this house for the next 12 months.

These shirts aren’t just funny, they speak the truth. But with deprivation comes small freedoms. I don’t have to shave my legs if I don’t want to. And you’d better believe I don’t want to. Raggedy shirts and old PT shorts for pajamas because I can guarantee you that my 2 month old doesn’t care a bit what I’m wearing at night. Four pillows that are all for me! Right smack dab in the middle of our great big bed.

Of course I miss him terribly; desperately even. There are moments that I can’t breathe when I think of all that he has already missed and what he will miss in the next year, but I must (pardon the pun) soldier on. So let’s look at the other ‘perks’ of surviving a deployment, shall we?

We can have hot dogs or pizza or snacks for dinner every night. No steak and potatoes, no balanced meals served hot at 5pm! Not if we don’t want to, that is! Ok…so most nights we do have some veggies too, but the only tongues I have to please belong to me and my two year old. Doug isn’t a huge fan of breakfast for dinner…but you’d better believe that I am!

TLC, Lifetime, and Bravo, OH MY! There is no ESPN in this house. Enough said.

Less laundry. It’s amazing how much laundry one person can generate. Uniforms and workout clothes and casual clothes…they all add up! And have you ever tried to wash ACU’s? Probably not, but those things are one giant velcroed mess when they come out of the dryer. And not only is there less to do, but I don’t really have to put it away either. Yeah…I’m one of those people who just lives out of the laundry basket full of clean clothes. I don’t make the bed either.

Shopping. Shopping. Shopping. No more sneaking those Gymboree bags straight into Cooper’s closet! I can come right in the front door swinging them around my wrist if I want to. (For the record, Doug knows of my Gymboree obsession and it bothers him not…but there is a nice freedom in raiding that clearance rack a few more times than I normally would!)

And probably the best perk of all is the financial incentive. Among other things, we do not have federal income tax deducted from our paychecks. That’s quite a chunk of change! And we also receive monthly entitlements due to our being physically separated, and the fact that he is in danger of bodily harm. Any leave, (time off), he earns is also tax free when he redeems it. This fits quite nicely with the above shopping perk.

But on a more serious note, while this is the hardest thing I have EVER survived, (twice, the last one was 15 months in duration), it is also the most fulfilling. Our marriage has flourished under the stress and stretching that long separations bring. A favorite chaplain of ours says, “Deployments make good marriages better and bad marriages worse,” and we have found this to be true. I am a stronger woman, wife, and mother because of the service that OUR FAMILY gives for this country. When all you have is a phone call or an hour to chat online, (and those connections are spotty at best), you learn quickly that communication is the key to survival. Make the deployed spouse feel involved and necessary. Make the spouse left behind feel appreciated and loved, and not forgotten. Find a way to help the kids remember, (or come to know), their father, (or mother…women serve too). All of this takes work and deliberate thought and execution. Without going into detail, we went through some really rough stuff during our last deployment. I desperately needed my husband at home. To hold my hand, to give me a hug, to tell me it would be ok, to SHOW me that he loved me. And all we had was a daily phone call. Doug had to learn how to put non verbal support into words. I had to learn to accept what he could give and know that if he could change the circumstances, he would. And through all that, (and MUCH more), we were reunited as a stronger couple with a deeper appreciation for each other and the life we have been called to live.

Oh, I definitely have my moments where I curse the day we got this latest set of orders and cry and lose my temper/patience with my kids and feel jealous that Doug’s off on an adventure and I’m stuck with all the hard work, or resentful that his youngest son was a mere 2 weeks old when he left the house. Deployments definitely SUCK, but I can’t live in a constant state of anger and misery for the next 10 months, (we’ve already survived 2!). It’s just not healthy for any of us.

So, while I am counting down every day, hour, and minute until I see my love again…I am also excited to see how we grow during this time apart. I’m excited to teach my boys, (2 years and 2 months), about support and sacrifice and love of one’s country. To teach them that there is great reward in helping others. To model that we respect the leaders of this nation, (past and present), even when it comes at the expense of our family. To show them what true bravery is. It’s not picking up a rifle; it’s voluntarily walking away from your family to serve a greater purpose.

HOOAH!

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Maureen and I go way back to the days when we thought we had it all figured out - high school. She was a selfless, kind, and generous person even then, and she really hasn't changed in that way. She stands in the ranks of my long list of heroes, and my gratitude for her and her family is deep.

Maureen, thank you for giving us a peek into your life, and for letting us walk in your shoes. They're heavy!