Walk A Mile - Not The Mom, Just The Stork

Today we're taking a walk in the shoes of a surrogate mother.  Jill is an amazing woman, and I'm glad she's willing to share part of her story with all of us...  (And Jill, I hardly think that "just" the stork gives you the credit you deserve!)

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Hi. My name is Jill and you can find me over at Mormon Surrogate: http://mormonsurrogate.blogspot.com I am a gestational surrogate.  I carry babies for couples who can't get pregnant or carry on their own.  I am only a carrier, I do not use any of my genetic make up or, in other words, I am in no way related to the babies I carry.

I want to say what a blessing it is for me as a surrogate to be a part of something so amazing. Those moments stay with you forever.  When you get to see a couple become a family, it's a wonderful sight. When you are sincerely appreciated and thanked because you were the key to opening that door, it's an overwhelmingly awesome feeling! Your heart becomes so full. It's an uplifting experience. All I have to do is think about it and I smile. If you're lucky, you get a great set of intended parents who keep in touch beyond the pregnancy and birth.

With my first surrogacy I had a pretty good experience. Towards the end however, I felt I would be tossed aside. Now, there's nothing saying that either side has to keep in contact. It would be nice, but it's not mandatory. I knew that going into this. I didn't need the contact, I just hoped for it. But when she was born, I thought it would be, "Thank you very much, have a nice life.". "Goodbye".


It's been 4 years now and I still get e-mails, pictures, Christmas cards, etc. What really touched me was the Christmas card I got about a year and a half after she was born. They thanked me  again for everything I had done and were so grateful because without me they would not have their daughter. Because of their culture, I was  a secret to some. A lot of people didn't know they had a surrogate. Maybe that was part of the reason I thought I'd be "tossed aside". afterward. But I wasn't. They have become long distance friends. (none of my couples have lived close) I knew they were happy and grateful the day she was born, but I feel so special that they have chosen to keep in touch and that they still think of me. The mom actually said that every time she looks at her she thinks of me. Not because she looks like me. (I only contributed my uterus.)  She thinks of me because she wouldn't have her daughter if not for me. These are her words, not mine. I had no idea that I could feel so important, essential even. 


When S______ was born, it felt so natural to have her handed to her parents. I felt blessed to be the stork. I didn't want to feel left out, but I didn't want to impose on the parents bonding with their baby either. I didn't know how I would feel after she was born. Well she was born at about 4:00 AM, and I was happy and exhausted. She was my first natural birth and all I wanted to do was sleep. I was a 1st time surrogate and I wanted to do things right. She was not mine. The parents were set up in their own room in the hospital with her. My mom was there and my kids were there. They all got to hold her. My friend  (a surrogate too) even came to visit and got to hold her. I hadn't held her yet. My mom told me that S_____ wanted me to hold her before I left the hospital. I think it was about 10:00 PM when we went to their room to meet her and hold her. It didn't feel like I was holding the baby I had carried and delivered. It felt like I was holding my friend's baby and I was so happy for her and her husband. I had worried that I might get depressed after she was born, but I felt so uplifted. I felt overjoyed. I had never felt happier.




My 2nd set of IP's were wonderful. I just fell in love with them. I adored the mom and we emailed constantly.I got pregnant on the first try, but I sadly miscarried. They moved on and couldn't bear to try again. They had already been through so much. But they kept in touch. I'm so sad that I didn't get to see their dreams come true. My heart broke right along with them. But I'm so grateful to have had the opportunity to get to know such great people and to have shared such an intimate part of their lives.


My next IP's were great too. So nice and friendly. We all got along so well. They were very comfortable to be around, almost like old friends. The first embryo transfer failed, but we tried again and it was well worth it. We were not surprised to find out it was twins. I was so excited for them. Each surrogacy is different in it's own way. I felt pretty special to be a surrogate pregnant with twins. It wasn't the easiest pregnancy, but it was still very enjoyable. To feel two separate babies moving inside of me, it was absolutely amazing. For a while I couldn't tell them apart. But soon I knew that one was more quiet and calm and the other was the life of the party. I was so grateful to be a part of that experience. They have also kept in touch and I just feel honored.


You enjoy the surrogacy, you move on with your life and then you get reminders of the miracle(s) you were a part of. All of these parents have blessed me more than they know. My heart is so full. This is an e-mail I received close to Thanksgiving last year.


"Jill -


I wanted to drop a quick note and some pictures of Mr. H______ and Mr. O______. Of the many things I am thankful for in my life, these two delicious boys are near (at) the top of my list. They are such a joy and are doing so well. While I don’t think we have it all under control yet, things are slowly getting easier. At 7 months, (wow time has gone so fast), the boys do not require the minute-by-minute attention they used to. It is not always easy, but it is so satisfying. (The boys look serious in these photos, which is amazing, because they are giggling and smiling almost all the time.)


I thank Jill so much for helping us get these delicious monkeys and L_____ for helping bring it all about.


I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving and may God bless and protect you and your families.




Regards,


M_______ "


I was so touched and got a little choked up. This is above and beyond what I expected when I first wanted to be a surrogate in 2005. I have been blessed to be God's helper and those blessings just keep coming.


I am grateful to these families for choosing me to be their surrogate and for treating me like an angel.


As you can see, I can't really share names and faces and intimate details, but I'll share what I can.


1st surrogacy:

(I design t-shirts and other merchandise and these are some of my first designs)

I can share this one, since you can't really see S____'s face. That is my husband, my #1 support!

Twin surrogacy:

This was towards the end- I got even bigger than what you see! I swear I gained 10 pounds in the week I was in the hospital before they were born.


This was the day I checked into the hospital 32 weeks. They were born at 33 weeks.

You should see the pic of my belly on the operating table.

Well ok, here ya go:

I got permission to share a pic of me and the boys on another post, so I'm adding it here as well. I never did get a picture of me holding them both at the same time. That would have been so cool

Thanks for letting me share a glimpse into my world as a surrogate.