How's that for confusing?
Um, this is going to be my last shameful post. I can't stand the thought of my mother finding the last four. I just keep hoping she's been really busy. But until then, I have one more. But this is it. Then it's back to me not saying things that will cause her disappointment in me, and all kinds of maternal guilt.
Um, this is going to be my last shameful post. I can't stand the thought of my mother finding the last four. I just keep hoping she's been really busy. But until then, I have one more. But this is it. Then it's back to me not saying things that will cause her disappointment in me, and all kinds of maternal guilt.
I've been wanting to write a comment love letter ever since Liz at BBCD started the meme. She puts together a love letter to her readers compiled only of the comments she received on her posts throughout the week. I always felt kinda sad that I had such tame and sparse comments and was unable to participate. But Liz told me to use two weeks worth of comments. That, coupled with my really classy subject matter these past two weeks, have finally given me the necessary ammo to put together something worth reading. (Unless you happen to be my mother.)
I present to you, the comment love letter. All of this is written by my lovely readers, cut and pasted into inappropriate paragraphs by me.
Dear You Guys,
That damn Katy Perry has done it again.
"I did flatten my vagina against a car window by mistake."
I. Just. There's no words to describe what that sentence makes me feel. It's like the motorized version of the old "Kick Me" sign. But funnier, because I actually HAVE a student driver in my house. Wait, maybe that's not so funny after all. Was there a white-knuckled father in the passenger seat? Mutilated tacos scare me. And that is why you will always carry disinfecting wipes in your car! Andy's disgusted look is definitely hilarious! Where did the enchilada go??? I really want to do that to my husband's car. Love it. I guess I can see why sitting through that would be scary though.... Whew! That's a whole world I am not familiar with -- I had no idea there were people like that out there! Shame on them!
Feel better now? I sure do! Anyway back to my sons. And yes, they both come out all sorts of wrong. Our 2 seasons of soccer taught us this. I'm a "new" soccer mom, but I really just go to watch other people be jerks. Is it grumpy or just calling it like it is? You said everything I wanted to say for soooooooo many years but never had the guts. I think you should just smack 'em. Kid and/or parents. Your kid is there to learn to be part of a team, not live out one's own lost youth. I am NOT a sports parents, crappy or otherwise, but I am sorts of steamed up about this now! And I totally knew you weren't the get-involved type. (that's a compliment, btw)
As as mom of 4 boys, you better prepare yourself for shit like this as they get older. I'm trying to get her to realize it's not okay to let the snot run down your nose and into your mouth. Also, it is not okay to wipe your nose on your arm and/or on mommy. Arm-farting is so important. What about burping the alphabet? I think it's the Giant baby bearing fart! I really must re-focus my efforts on my toddler's education.
Preach it. The former praise leader at my church once said, "Bring your breast to God."
Amen, sister.
"I did flatten my vagina against a car window by mistake."
I. Just. There's no words to describe what that sentence makes me feel. It's like the motorized version of the old "Kick Me" sign. But funnier, because I actually HAVE a student driver in my house. Wait, maybe that's not so funny after all. Was there a white-knuckled father in the passenger seat? Mutilated tacos scare me. And that is why you will always carry disinfecting wipes in your car! Andy's disgusted look is definitely hilarious! Where did the enchilada go??? I really want to do that to my husband's car. Love it. I guess I can see why sitting through that would be scary though.... Whew! That's a whole world I am not familiar with -- I had no idea there were people like that out there! Shame on them!
Feel better now? I sure do! Anyway back to my sons. And yes, they both come out all sorts of wrong. Our 2 seasons of soccer taught us this. I'm a "new" soccer mom, but I really just go to watch other people be jerks. Is it grumpy or just calling it like it is? You said everything I wanted to say for soooooooo many years but never had the guts. I think you should just smack 'em. Kid and/or parents. Your kid is there to learn to be part of a team, not live out one's own lost youth. I am NOT a sports parents, crappy or otherwise, but I am sorts of steamed up about this now! And I totally knew you weren't the get-involved type. (that's a compliment, btw)
As as mom of 4 boys, you better prepare yourself for shit like this as they get older. I'm trying to get her to realize it's not okay to let the snot run down your nose and into your mouth. Also, it is not okay to wipe your nose on your arm and/or on mommy. Arm-farting is so important. What about burping the alphabet? I think it's the Giant baby bearing fart! I really must re-focus my efforts on my toddler's education.
Preach it. The former praise leader at my church once said, "Bring your breast to God."
Amen, sister.
Love,
Bethany
Haha!! I love how this turned out! It had its' own random flow and everything.
ReplyDeleteAnd great, now I feel pressure to be wittier in my comments...
WOOT! This is so good! I found a couple lines of my own. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm SOOOO happy you joined in! crazy soccer parents and vaginas make for some good shit!
Haha! It's like our minds banded together to create a hilarious post of verbal diarrhea. It works!
ReplyDeleteOh come on Bethany, you are always a little inappropriate which is why I love you so.
ReplyDeleteInappropriate is what I live for - and why I'm especially thankful my mother-in-law doesn't know about my blog. Word.
ReplyDeleteThe word vagina alone can cause chuckles. Add it to snot and fart and you got yourself a winner!
ReplyDeleteI love the comment love letters!! So funny.
ReplyDeleteGlad to be back visiting your blog. That blog challenge had me out of circulation and not reading blogs for 5 weeks!
Oooh, these are fun! Alas, I've been delinquent in my writing & would not have enough comments to create a whole post. A brief memo, perhaps, but not a whole post.
ReplyDeleteNicely done! ;o)
Oh, I just knew if you did one of these it would be awesomness! So funny....you had some great posts to generate some great comments, too!
ReplyDelete