Disappointment

Back in January I went to a school district meeting about middle school options.  Cameron will be in middle school next year, and the district we're in has something like eight magnet schools for the kids to apply to.  

I've always been a little bit opposed to magnet schools and charter schools as a part of the public school system, simply because a very small percentage of the kids in the district get to go to those much better schools while everyone else is left back at the neighborhood schools with not great teachers and bad learning philosophies.  It just seems so unjust.

But when I heard about this environmental middle school that is available in our district I swooned over it.  The benefits of attending this particular school were numerous and impressive.  Plus, it was right up Cameron's alley with the science curriculum.  

I wanted Cameron to be one of those unjustly lucky kids who got to go to the really good school.  But only 64 kids could be accepted.  Two thirds would be chosen by lottery, the other third in a second consideration process.

We went to open houses, information nights, Cameron shadowed a student for half a day...  We did it all.  

And he didn't win the lottery.

So he wrote an essay and he went to an observation/interview - all in hopes that he'd get one of those last few open spots...

He did not.

And it honestly made me a little bitter.  I went back to feeling like the entire system is unfair.  I thought about my kids spending the entire month of February being tested over and over until they passed the state tests or failed them three times in a row.  I raged about how nonsensical that was and wondered what all the lucky magnet school kids had been doing in February...  I still feel a little bit sad about the whole thing.  Why do some kids get the obviously better education while the rest have to settle for what the school district calls our "best fit", when really it's just the "crappy leftovers"? 

I don't have the happy place answers yet.  I just know that disappointment is a huge part of life and we have to learn to take it in, refuse to let it poison us, and make the best of whatever we do have.

I also know that other kids being chosen doesn't mean that Cameron didn't deserve to be accepted.  It just means he had crappy luck.  And when we have crappy luck, we treat ourselves to ice cream.  (That's why we're chubby.  Lots of bad luck happens here.  We're used to it, and we'll feel better soon.)  More positive post coming later.  :)