How To Be A Stellar Hostess

I've played hostess to a number of overnight guests in my time; both family and friends, and oddly enough, perfect strangers. I thought I'd share a few of my tips with you, just in case you are expecting company and are completely clueless as to what your responsibilities are. *Keep in mind that I never claimed that I actually do any of these things, I'm just saying they're a good idea.*

• Providing decent pillows is essential. You can try using a freshly laundered pillowcase to hide the old, nasty, brown pillow complete with blood stains from your child's nose picking days, but it's usually best to just buy yourself some guest pillows. You can get them cheap, and only a rude guest would point out their dissatisfaction with your Wal-Mart Special. You don't care about those types of guests, anyway.

• Wake up in the morning prior to your company. It's awkward for your guest to have to figure out what to feed your kids for lunch all on their own.

• Remove all hair from the bar soap in the shower. This will save your guest from tedious picking and possible shower vomit. If you want to go above and beyond, buy a bottle of body wash and a cute little puff. Never share puffs. That's just nasty.

• Clean the toilet. No one likes to lift the lid and find trace evidence of previous bathroom users.

• Make sure the bathroom is well stocked with toilet paper and a wastebasket. You don't want your guest improvising on how to wipe or dispose of feminine products.

• Hide your good snacks so that you don't feel resentment towards your guest for eating all your favorite treats. Resentment shows itself in ugly, subtle ways.

• If you have a weird diet consisting mostly of tofu, bean sprouts, and the blood of young goats, don't expect your guest to eat your normal fare. Stock a few normal foods; like pasta, chicken, and Pretzel MnM's. You can eat your tofu and goat blood while they feel content with their Kraft Macaroni and Cheese.

• When your guest is bringing children, don't be afraid to make the house rules clear. For example, "We don't paint the walls with nail polish, we don't ride the dog like a horse, we don't explore the contents of someone else's refrigerator, we don't trade toys for keeps, and we don't use the couch for a trampoline." You let something slide just once, and it won't take long to regret it.

• If you drink, don't do it excessively in front of your guests. They might catch on to you.

Should you have some Stellar Tips of your own, please share them with us in the comments section. And be sure to check back tomorrow when we discuss the traits of a good house guest.