Walk A Mile - Modern Dating

Good morning!  It's time again to walk a mile in the shoes of another.  To step into a stranger's life and take a look at the view.  

Today we'll be walking in Laura's shoes.  She's a witty, kooky college student, and she's stuck in that dreaded phase of dating and courtship.  (Raise your hand if you'd like to go back to that?)  


But dating in our day, (for those of us who have been out of the game for a while), was different than it is today.  Dating has changed in so many ways - texting, for one.  Anyone here ever been asked out via text message?  And how about location?  What kind of activity can be called a date?  I bet it's different now than it was ten or twenty years ago.  


Laura is bringing to our attention an issue that has been around for a while, but seems to be getting more complicated as time goes on.  Let's see what her thoughts are, shall we?....

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This is a mommy blog.  Can I assume you are all in the fantastic place that you are as a result of dating? How else does one get husbands and babies? Congratulations on your achievements!

As a 20 year old female college student, marriage and kids, and even dating, are not always my first concern, but these things are definitely held in mind as goals yet unconquered, so my hat is off to you! 

Dating  may be a required first step in the game, but it’s no secret - dating is NOT easy. In fact, to me, 'dating' and 'awkward' are not just synonymous, they are inseparable concepts in my mind. But there is one question in the world of courtship that I want to talk about in particular today.  Oh yes.  First came oppression and chivalry... Next came the feminist movement...  And now... that one eternal question... spanning the ages, still undefined... WHO SHOULD PAY ON A DATE?

As far as I can tell, there is little logic behind the thought process of men paying. I’d say most of my female peers say the guy can pay, because who wants to turn down free food? And the only explanation that I have come across for continuing the tradition is that it makes men feel “manly” to be allowed to pay, open doors, and generally enable helplessness in women.  

Ok, fine, I’m not here to bruise the male ego. If men want to provide, I think good for them! But this can be taken a little too far in my opinion. When polled on Facebook about the question, one friend of mine answered, and we had this exchange:

Me:  I say, why should the journey to find a potential mate be stacked in society as a necessarily (very) expensive thing for men, but a free-be for girls? What, to feed men's "egos" while trying to compensate for the pains of labor?!? Pish posh I say! Either way, go to a pumpkin farm, bake cookies, run around a field of daisies, do whatever horrifically cheesy thing you must do, but free, "creative" dates are a much better way to get to know someone.

Friend:  I didn't say the dates had to be expensive. It's a preview of married life and lets the man fulfill his role as provider. I say if they do it without complaint or expecting something in return, they harbor the maturity to see their role.

Me:  That's interesting... so how do women preview their role?

Friend:  Nurturing, submitting, being respectful, allowing the male to do what he needs to do without seeing it as oppression or chauvinism. At the same time, trying to keep him pure and not tempting him or feeling like she has to repay him in some physical way for his paying for the date.

Does that not send a chill down your spine??
 
Then my friend, Gracie, who is the most awesome 18 year old rocking New York state, said this:

“In my case, since Joe's a starving student and I have a well-paying job and no expenses, I tend to pay for dates; he tries, but I shout him down. When I want to take him out, we can do whatever - go to a restaurant or a movie. When he wants to take me out, he packs a picnic at midnight and we watch the stars, or we go to a free concert. We put in, overall, probably equal effort-- but he is a bit more mindful of what he does. We hit museums, architecture tours, and the beautiful, old cemeteries that are so abundant here in the east.”

Um, yes. Can we agree?

The few guys my age who weighed in were vague, (aka clueless), and so that area of thought for them is still cloaked in mystery for me, which I think is great symbolism.  

I got a few comments from middle aged folks, (aka people who went to high school in the 60s and 70s! Scary.), and I even started calling my grandparents and young cousins so I could have an across the board survey of age groups and gender. But I realized, for the very young and very old, dating is either a faint memory, or in the distant future, and therefore they have little to say.  

The general consensus overall seems to be that the one doing the asking does the paying. But what about after that? What do YOU think? Let’s get a debate going in the comments! Tell me about your memorable experiences, oh ye experienced!!

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I feel like I'm opening a flood gate here, and it's all I can do to keep my opinion quiet and give you all a chance to sound off, toss in your two cents, whatever.  So tell us what you think!  And don't forget to check out Laura's Etsy shop...it made me giggle!