Irreverent Prayers

Sometimes on nights when the kids have pummeled me with idiotic requests and sassy mouths and whining I lose it around bedtime.  So when it comes time to help the little kids with their prayers, I can't quite summon the decency for a sweet prayer and they come out something like this:

Me:  Dear Heavenly Father,

Wait for bothersome child to repeat.

Me:  Please help me stop being naughty.

Wait for shocked child to repeat.

Me:  And help me not make mom mad.

Wait for uncertain child to repeat.

Me:  And please help me to stay in my own bed all night and not come in Mommy's bed at all, ever, all night long.

Wait for giggling child to repeat.

Me:  And please help me stop being a whiny brat and please forgive Mommy for not brushing my teeth.

Wait, but child is giggling too hard at this point to repeat anything.

Then I end the prayer with a hallelujah-type AMEN! and call it a night.

I swear if one of those kids tries to sneak into my bed tonight I will roll them off and not feel bad when they hit the floor.