I'm pretty sure that the Sunday Afternoon was invented for the sole purpose of afternoon delight. It's like a little pep talk for the men before they start their long and boring work week, and one less thing for the women to do on Monday. Mondays are busy, you know.
So yesterday afternoon Andrew and I vanished upstairs while the results of prior afternoon delights and evening delights and "there's nothing good on TV delights" played outside.
The minute that Andrew and I were stark naked and in a nearly-but-not-quite compromising position, we hear the hysterical sobs of a child coming in the house and up the stairs.
We both froze.
"Is that Trent?" Andrew asked.
"Ssshhhhh!" I replied, trying to assess the situation by the intensity of the cry. "No, that's Ethan!"
I knew that if Ethan was sobbing in such a way, it was definitely blood or death.
And there we were.
Naked.
Thankfully the doors were locked, but as Andrew and I scrambled to make ourselves presentable to our 8 year old, we were forced into an inquisition through closed door.
It sounded like this:
ETHAN! ARE YOU ALRIGHT?
*sob* No! A PIT BULL chased me... *sob*
(dang-it! where's my shirt??)
ARE YOU HURT??
*sob* No, I, I, I, *sob* whawhawha...*sob* etc, etc...
HANG ON! JUST A SEC! andrew! find my shirt!!
Moooooommmmmm! *sob*
And so on and so forth. Have you any idea how awful it is to find out that your child has been chased by a Pit Bull and is probably not hurt, but you can't be sure because there is so much shrieking and sobbing and no shirt in sight? Lemme tell ya, it makes you feel like such a selfish schmuck. There we were, getting busy, while our child faced death on his own.
Eventually we found all the appropriate clothing that allowed us to open the door and accept our hysterical child into our arms. Our hysterical child who was thankfully unscathed on the outside, regardless of the terror he felt on the inside. And think how much worse it could have been if, on top of the dog scare, we had forgotten to lock the bedroom door.
Wait... you & your husband still get naked together? lol
ReplyDeleteIF you indulge again? I think we know the answer to that. But I don't reccomend a calm G-rated movie. Won't hold their attention, and they'll get bored and come banging on your door. You need something action-packed to entrance them into immobility, and pile lots of snacks and soda on the floor in front of them. They won't move.
ReplyDeleteBwahahaha, you crack me up! I thought parents didn't do it again until everyone was in college!? {wink!}
ReplyDeleteSo your new go to line rather than I have a headache is, "dude, the pitbull is out"
ReplyDeleteI recommend Benadryl or Nyquil for those pesky kids that just won't leave you alone during your afternoon delight time.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, you're making me look really bad.
Eek!
ReplyDeleteMy biggest fear is having a dog chase me. It's why I cringe when Tom tells me about the training they do in K9 when they allow dogs to chase and bite them. (They have stuff to protect them, but still..)
I am dying here. Soooo funny. Remind me to tell you about the evening delight with a guest appearance from a 2 year old. So awful to look over and see you toddler sitting there. I shiver at the thought of it.
ReplyDelete