I Keep Saying My Farts Don't Stink, But I Don't Think Anyone Believes Me

I suddenly have a part-time job that requires me to be awake at 5:00 in the morning.  

I am not a morning person.  

Do you ever do that thing where you know you have to be up at a certain time and it's getting late and you tell yourself, "If I go to bed right now and it only takes me three minutes to fall asleep, I will get a solid six hours of sleep provided that no one has a bad dream and crashes on my side of the bed"?  

I do.  I do it all the time.  So if I went to bed right now, I would get a solid six and a half hours of sleep.  But instead I decided to blog spew for a bit and then take a shower.  You know - so my stench doesn't give me nightmares.

Mama M's Five Question Friday has pretty decent questions this week, so I think I'll drop some thoughts into those, but I'm not going to link it up with the others because I know I won't have time to read anyone else's.  Part time job, remember?

1. Dream job...realistic and completely unrealistic.  I would kill to be a movie critic.  Not because I'd be good at it, but because I would love to get paid to watch movies on my fat hiney every day.  I suppose I'd have to file that under "completely unrealistic" though...  As for realistic - that just isn't any fun.  And it's kind of an oxy-moron.  I can't think of one.

2. Do you fart in front of your significant other?  Do I ever!!  The first time I farted in front of Andrew I was actually sitting on his lap wearing a moisturizing face mask.  And then he asked me to marry him...so there is your proof that my farts don't stink. 

 

3. What's the furthest you've ever traveled from home? How far and where was it?  Sadly, the furthest from home I've ever been was when I went to New York City/DC last year.  Better than nothin' I guess.

4. How do you celebrate birthdays for your kids?  We tell them that they owe me a back rub for suffering through labor for them, make them draw me a thank you card, and then we watch the video of their birth.  Sure they get a little weirded out by seeing their mother's Hoo-Ha, but how else are they going to fully appreciate what I did to bring them into this world?  

 

I'm only kidding.  No one got near my lady business with a video camera.  Not during labor, anyway. 

 

We have typical birthday rituals.  Except that none of my kids like cake, so we have to come up with alternatives.  Sometimes it's a 3 tiered rice krispie treat cake, and sometimes it's ice cream sandwiches.  Snore.

 

5. Fave thing about fall?  Full coverage clothing.  I dislike summer wardrobes because I have cankles, a flat chest, and a rather protuberant mid-section, so I welcome the change in weather that allows for the acceptable usage of hoodies and layers.

 

That about wraps it up for tonight, folks.  I'm off to the shower and then to bed.  And if I only take eight minutes in the shower and fall asleep within ten seconds of my head hitting the pillow, (totally possible), then I'll still be able to cram in 6 hours of sleep.  *Insert squeal of delight here*

'Night All.