Confession Session - Safety Smarts

I have taught my kids some bad things - unintentionally of course.

For instance, I am trying to watch my language around them, so now, when I say, "Oh, (long pause), my, (long pause)...", my two-year-old finishes up for me.

"Hell," he concludes in an appropriately somber tone.

I am Yoda. The Master.

Believe it or not, I have taught my kids some good things, too.

Examples: They can clean a toilet.

They know how to pretend that nothing happened when Grandpa farts.

Most of them know how to wipe. Okay, one out of four knows how. Okay, he's not that good at it either. Let's change that one - They know how to keep their hands clean. (Don't wipe.)

And then there are some things that I've taught my kids that are both good and bad.

Case in point - I taught them that people who ride bikes and motorcycles without a helmet are stupid.

Not careless, not risky, not forgetful.

Stupid.

As in, dumb. They are morons. They are so idiotic that they don't care if their brains get splattered all over the pavement for a city worker to hose down like the aftermath of a squished raccoon. And I feel no guilt for teaching them to call certain people "Stupid".

So now, when we're driving down the road and see a slick guy dressed in black leather astride a hot looking chrome chopper with the sun glinting on the top of his shaved head, my kids chime in excitedly - "Look, Mom! That guy is STUPID!"

Yes, boys, yes he is.